I'm the annoying c**t who got all the fucking brains and complains about everyone elses' lack of proper fucking grammar.

Oh, it's fun.

Today, I stopped the rain.

A sleight of mind perhaps, but none-the-less I raised my hands to the sky and informed my colleague that the rain would stop for 15 minutes... and it did.

Well, it stopped for 20 minutes. But a 5 minute slip isn't too shabby.

Don't believe me? Then you're not a chaote, and your underwear will feel slightly tighter in the morning. Trust me. Check them tomorrow.

People keep sending me emails and messages asking me if I'm dead. For one: if I were dead, receiving a response from me would be a miraculous event, resolving millennia of contention regarding life after death. For two: I'm not. For three: maybe I just have no inclination whatsoever to communicate with you because you're dreary, ignorant, and annoy me.

Or perhaps I'm just too lazy.

Now, the problem is: I don't exist. And until you realise that you don't exist either, you'll never understand how it is exactly that I don't exist. Until you can do this, you'll continue to find sense in what I say, instead of comprehending it as the nonsense that it truly is.

Hence, a problem.

a) You think I exist, and I don't.
b) You think you exist, and you don't.
c) You comprehend what I'm saying
d) You have no idea what I'm saying

Insolence is coming to easily today, like morning glory. I need to spank it out. Wank out a big wad of noesis and wipe myself off with a towel.

Windows Vista: The fucked up, erratic, constantly shitty networking you've come to expect from Microsoft operating systems - now with transparent windows!

YOU. USELESS. CUNTS.

Done.

Easy.

Pffffffffffffft.

I just played my first session of BioShock and I'm hooked. I never really got into the System Shock series, but liked much of the mechanics - most of which are in BioShock. Sitting in the dark creeping around a ruined 1950s underwater utopia gone psychotic? Yes, please. Hurling random psionic weaponry and then leaping in with a wrench to finish the job? Fuck, yes. Hearing the manic utterings of genetically-disrupted, morally-bankrupt sociopaths wearing bunny masks..?

Say. No. More.

Spot buys a keg.



Spot taps a keg.



Spot pours a beer.




Spot enjoys a beer.

Wii number: 8042 3910 0189 0428

Add mine. Gimme yours.

That's the deal, people.

I'd post a blurb, but you really have to read the first paragraph of this to understand.

So, do we argue that if people are fucking stupid enough and ignorant enough to do that... then let the world prosper on the backs of morons?

Or do we freely admit that 98% of the world ARE morons, and concede that we're totally fucked?

Oops, I've Wiied myself.

But they keep showing adverts on television about children in third world countries drinking muddy water directly from tepid puddles, and discussing how it makes them sick.

No offense intended (no, really), but... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT?

"We need to provide them with clean drinking water!" The voice-overs announce, like this is some kind of amazing revelation and, at first glance, that's what it seems to be.

Until you wonder why no one has ever thought of, oh... I don't know... BOILING the water. They live in Africa, the birthplace of modern humankind; I reckon they know what fire is. Filter the fucking water through an old shirt, or some bark -- ANYTHING -- other than drinking stale, diarrhea-colored water straight from the fucking ground.

I don't wanna be too much of a social-darwinist, but if you can't figure that out for yourself... get sick and die - whether you live in Africa, or Australia. It's not rocket surgery.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't find adventure games with ridiculous, superfluous puzzles entertaing or challenging. Having a puzzle as part of the gameplay is one thing, but throwing them around for no reason is just. fucking. annoying.

"Could you get me a glass of milk from the fridge? By the way, it has a bizarre, occult combination lock on it using a set of almost, but not completely, random symbols on it. Why? Oh... I, uh, that's how the French manufacturers made it."

"Oh, and could you grab my coat from the spare room, please? You'll need to hunt around the house for a set of pulleys to get into the attic to find the key to the room though... because, you know, you can never be too careful when it comes to security."

FUCK YOU, GAME MAKERS! FUCK YOU! ;)

(Yes, I mean YOU microids. How did I expect that a company that can't even get their website and their game website up and running to design a decent game? Shame on me. Thank the gods that I only rented it for $4.)

Uh oh.

Hitman: The Movie

I just sneezed, and it echoed in my acoustic guitar from across the room.

*sneeze* *strum* WTF?

I am now the proud owner of mcstabby.com! :D

Fnar.